Laughing at Islam

I am not going to take the bait and spend time trying to ferret out the identity of the New York Times’ “anonymous” letter writer  who claims that he is a member of the Trump administration and that he and several other members of the Trump staff are “resisting” the President.

“I am part of the resistance inside the Trump Administration. I work for the president but like-minded colleagues and I have vowed to thwart parts of his agenda and his worst inclinations.” For the past few days, the world has been engrossed in an elaborate guessing game to unmask the author of the now infamous anonymous September 5th NY Times Op-Ed.

Enough said. As a kid, I didn’t much like the game, Pin the Tail on the Donkey, either. So, I’ll go directly to the subject, which is the many ways that Islam  can cause laughter.

I opened my last column, “Casper the Unfriendly Ghost” with:

To get to the nub of this column, Allah is a “nothingburger,” a ghost, much like Robert Mueller’s pursuit of a connection between Donald Trump and the Russians.  Allah is as much a creation of man as is Casper the Friendly Ghost, a cartoon character drawn on boards by illustrators who have shot glasses of whisky at hand, for films, comic books, and newspaper panels.

There was no connection between Donald Trump and the Russians for Mueller to uncover (fruitlessly and tediously for over a year now, an investigation that  hovers in cost between  $17 million and $30 million), but there is at least one definite connection between Russians and presidential candidates, between  Hillary Clinton,  Barack Obama, and the Russians worthy of investigation (Uranium One), but which Mueller and his Deep State colleagues refuse to launch. Then FBI Director James Comey spiked any legal actions against Clinton. Mueller and his cohorts would rather chase after ghosts and imaginary specters and protect their contemptible ilk than search for justice. 

Just as Muslims prefer to believe in a ghost. Perhaps the most hilarious ritual is the salah,  when Muslims remove their shoes or sandals and “pray,” and then fall to their knees and  bow and flash their derrieres to Allah in “submission.” Aside from raising their hind- ends they also are obligated to bang their foreheads on the ground. The person with the most visible black and blue mark on his forehead is considered to be very devout.  I know that the “submission’ to Allah is the standard explanation for the ritual, but it still strikes me as Muslims offering their butts for Allah to kiss, or they are mooning the deity, or the West.

Mass mooning the West, or inviting Allah to kiss their butts?

Of course, Islam is no laughing matter, when one recalls all the jihadi attacks on the West and around the world in the name of Islam.

And then there’s Wuḍū, a ritual – not to be confused with The Twist –  performed in preparation for prayers, typically done in preparation for formal prayers (salat) and also before handling and reading the Qur'an. Impurifying activities that invalidate Wuḍūinclude urination, defecation, flatulence, deep sleep, light bleeding, and sexual intercourse. Many businesses and schools have had installed special bathrooms where Muslims can wash their feet and other parts of their anatomy without interfering with non-Muslims needing a restroom.

One must ask oneself: “Does it really matter what a Muslim washes if he cleans his derriere with a bare finger, and leaves the filth on a wall as though it were chewing gum left on the bottom of a movie theater seat? Is this cultural enrichment, or is it restroom diversity?”

Lacking water, it is permitted for a Muslim to use stones to wash any part of his body, especially his private parts and armpits.  “Allahu Akbar! If you believe in something, do it for Allah! It will please him. Ouch!”

Islam also has the voluntary, slap-happy ritual of female genital mutilation or (FGM), which is practiced to rob women of sexual pleasure with government sanction just about everywhere. Women enjoying sex is verboten; in the Islamic universe, it’s assumed this is a Muslim “man’s world.”

In addition, Islam is noted for spreading peace and goodwill. Its St. Franicis of Assisi- like record is indisputable, as meticulously detailed in Robert Spencer’s The History of Jihad. The Koran, the Hadith, and Reliance of the Traveler (the latter not to be mistaken for an AAA tour manual) are replete with glad-handing homilies to Muslims to befriend an infidel and join a Jew in the Hebrew hora.

The Islamic doppelganger of that hora is the Sufi version, which is about as joyous as undergoing amputation on a battlefield. Complimenting that is another Islamic, collectivist “ring around the Rosy May poll” version, also of Sufi origin. To participate in this men-only dance one needs to have imbibed at least a spoonful of L-dopa to get one into the dance mood and become “hip.” Flawless footwork and deodorant are very crucial; shoes optional.  Not exactly the Gym Dance in West Side story (women need to be added in place of the wide skirts worn by the dervishes) but it might do for the time being, although it’s not the Mambo.